So I think It was a day or two before Christmas when I got the idea to start this. I have NO idea what I am doing. I made a Homeless Chick Facebook page (dang they are nosy for a chick who wants to keep her identity safe for the sake of her children, those she was in shelter with and for the sake of being able to be BRUTALLY HONEST.) Why does Facebook need to know what movies I have watched in the past or what town I currently live in or what size underware I wear? I’m Like Whaaa?? 😉
I even made a Homeless Chick Tweeting account or whatever.. I have 2 followers lol I have never tweetered. I don’t know how to tweet but it’s a rather cute icon on my broken screen phone. Tweeter isn’t as nosy either.
A Tumbler??? I don’t even know what that is but WordPress had some service called Headlines it told me to join – for What? I have no idea it’s purpose – and Headlines said to join Tweeter Facebook and Tumbler. LOL I guess I better catch up with times! Dang I’m being left in the cold hard dust!
As for my identity that carries my real name around I think I will stick with email and the good ol’ nosy Facebook.
I wish I would have started publishing my diary 11 and a half months ago, but I am going to create a page full of all of the details I wrote out. I don’t know anyone will ever read any of it but it will be there 🙂 I will feel like my journey will be recorded for some purpose. Inspiration and understanding I hope. I think it is going to take some time to edit out names of people and places. It wasn’t all horrible! I had some fun times, beautiful moments, I learned how to exercise patients I certainly didn’t know existed. I have all of those journals complete with pictures of every room I had (mostly to record how my chores were always done for my own protection lol)
I can’t be the only one to have experienced this year long laps of life. I know this because I was in three shelters with all kinds of women! Crazy (all of us) women.. All different backgrounds and cultures. I enjoyed many moments. I met my very best friend in this whole wide scary world there. I got to help be part of a needed change. I got to speak out and release the painful blows that brought me to a point of hopeless, scared, hiding and then homeless! I also got to publicly thank those that were doing the right things.
The workers like Jan are very damaging yes, but in no way do I want to clump the entire staff of every place with the Jan’s dirty self serving tricks. I watched three amazing hard working workers in three separate places that were honest to the job and the work, get fired as a result of people like Jan. So for myself, the other girls and those that got fired I will address the system and it’s horrible flaw that keeps homeless people without as much fire as myself dependent on the system instead of helping them up and showing them out.
Yes People Everyone In A Family Based Shelter Wants Out even if they don’t know it!
Giving up and waiting on a section 8 voucher is usually the norm by stage thre or inatilled from a past generation stuck in a system. I’m in stage three. If I wasn’t who I am or maybe I’m not as smart as I think I am. Maybe I should be giving up, playing the game and waiting on my section 8 voucher as well. Smh. I just want up and out. Even if it means fighting the demons.
If I am given a chance to stop fighting dirt-bags for one semester, be allowed to keep my stable housing for the allotted time I am suppose to be able to be here, not have an indicated case in a crazy database for DCFS neglect for taking my trash out ……and I can complete this mission so I work with children as I have all of my life — I might just be able to Pull-It-Off.
Not every shelter system was set to fail, in fact the shelter program I had just gotten into right before being accepted into this DV transitional housing IS ran correctly. It DOES provide the proper setting, proper staff, proper support and guidelines to show someone how to pick themselves up by the bootstraps and work hard to be in a stronger position so that whatever got you to the point of homeless doesn’t happen again or so easily!
The only reason I left is because the DV transitional apartments offered me a two year conditional stay with a three bedroom apartment so I could regain and have room for everything I needed and provide suitable living space for my other two children! I was too gain all I needed for them, then fight for full physical custody while going to school, working and receiving group counseling and other supportive services as needed! It is an outstanding chance and program on paper! If ran by the staff from the last shelter it would be an outstanding real opportunity.
It is a crap shoot though..
When I feel stuck like I am now if if if if if if if and turning vicious circles, I have to remind myself that 1 year ago I didn’t even have a social security card or a birth certificates. – The very papers everyone needs for everything that we as humans have decided is living life (those papers had been left behind at my home while I was evicted during my long hospital stay) I also have to remind myself that I didn’t have food, medical, a therapist, developmental support for my son who was a preemie, clothing, essential care items, much less beds, toys, furniture, pots, pans all the things we take for such granted. I didn’t have any of one of those things a year ago. I have all of that and so much more now.
I have to remind myself, I worked so hard this last year. Some days I thought I would fall over from a heart attack but I did it. I had help and encouragement sometimes and sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I had Jans stick up road blocks that through the Grace of God I was carried over/under/around and sometimes through. I have my faith, my son and my car that I was able to keep and/or recover from my past thus far. I am making it!
I had to fight tooth and nail one way or another in each shelter and place, and sometimes it was because I wasn’t equip to handle the daily drama! Sometimes it was/is because I didn’t how to play the (smh) dirty game of homeless politics.
But I am making it! I am thankful!
I am keeping me real and true to the beautiful person I am! (I don’t know how — faith and maybe a pinch of insanity?) I haven’t given in or up. I am proud of myself – mistakes, steep learning curves and all!
Something I have always said and my therapist – one of the two most wonderful people I have met on my journey also reminds me is that.. This Too Shall Pass.
Laughing Out Loud as I remember at one given point I said to her, I don’t know how I made it through everything. I still see how she shook her head and said, I don’t know either how you have gotten through this. But I have so far… 🙂