December 23, 2013 11 Months & 16 Days Homeless
(Since July of 2013 I live in a transitional living three bedroom apartment but I am still considered technically homeless)
Today my therapist said to me over the phone, “You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. I have been with you the whole time, you have tried your best.”
She will never be able to fully grasp how grateful I am she has been with me the whole time nor will she ever understand how much those words mean to me.
Today my son and I were woken up by the ring of my phone. I should have known better than to answer my phone while under extreme attack without fully waking. I did anyway.. It was the most horrible woman I had ever met calling to literally rub in what she knew would be the most painful thing she could actually get away with doing to me.
Let me explain something. I have learned that for the most part being poor and homeless sets this amazing different standard of laws. Here I thought it was against the law to change the standard of law due to your income status or where you live ,,,discrimination or something? But apparently it is not.
I took out my trash last week after my son had fallen asleep safely in his crib (as I was told to do after every diaper change by my ‘life skills coordinator’ joke to say the least) because guess what? This almost brand new building is infested with roaches!
-An insect I had never had the pleasure of meeting in all the 30 plus years I have been alive! In fact the 10 years I owned a rental property and was a landlord I never even had a complaint of one of these vile creatures!
Anyway, last week when I went to toss trash, I had my baby monitor and heard the exterminator and maintenance guy walk into my apartment. So I finished grabbing the trash that had escaped after the cheap bag broke tossed it and I headed back upstairs. The short of the long is I had a pretty much lawless entity named DCFS called on me as a result of taking under 10 minutes to take out my trash while leaving my son sleeping in his crib even though I had my baby monitor, was I was right outside.
Where I’m from there is no such entity named DCFS and if someone had tried to call the police on me for that reason, I am pretty sure the cop would write the caller out a ticket for wasting their time.
Nope people even in Illinois it is NOT against the law to take out my trash while my son is safely sleeping in his crib but as a result of my being poor and being through domestic abuse, there is a staff that is designed to help support us through our time of transition. This staff consists of unpaid and paid interns, people who have been fired from everything else but still have degrees, and a few good folks thrown in the mix. Much of this staff is worthless. Worse than worthless, they are down right punitive.
Out of all the places my journey had me stop along the way, my hopes for this program was my highest. The promise of peace and new beginning was disintegrated before my eyes even before I stepped foot on this property but being poor left me no option other than to deal with the next round of abuse. I was under the impression that this apartment building had been built so that women would have a safe place to regain their lives after the chaotic devastation domestic abuse leaves in it’s wake.
No brothers and sisters! That is the scam that these people use to secure funding to bring home a paycheck. The lady that was involved in calling DCFS not only had gotten rude with me two days before when I didn’t appreciate the careless way she had handled another matter, but she also happens to work for this same DCFS part time as well!
Let’s call her Jan – Right before Jan invoked her dishonest stand and told an intern to call this entity on me, I asked her, ‘Are you meaning to tell me when your son was young you never went and took your trash out, did gardening or yard work while your son was napping in his crib?’
Jan answered ‘Of coarse I did, but it was different because I didn’t live in this type of place.’ (Meaning in a place full of poor people where the building had what is suppose to be supportive staff that can abuse their power with victims of domestic abuse)
Additionally, should I be indicated which means ‘found guilty’ of this DCFS investigation (which I don’t see how I won’t be since I flat out did exactly what they are accusing me of) This domestic violence center will get grant money to provide me with staff supportive services.
Also my name will be in a central database and I will be watched like a hawk and anything any worker likes or doesn’t like will be a whim away from having my baby legally kidnapped by DCFS. My degree that is half finished in Social Work will be junk. Additionally, I won’t be able to work with children so all of my experience in the school district and daycare would be out the window.
I refuse to allow my son and I to become Jan’s next paycheck – A woman who told a big fat fib to to the intern to get her part-time coworkers from DCFS down here, A woman who got fired from another abuse center and in my humble and homeless opinion is nothing more than a pompous legal criminal.
I am not helpless. I called every attorney in this county until I was referred to a sliding scale pro-bono agency that goes after this DCFS for women and families in my position like sharks. I am holding my breath in response to whether or not they have enough funding and will choose to take my case.
So this morning my son and I woke up to the phone and I listened shocked as this lawless and out of control investigator woman buddy of Jan tell me that she contacted my ex-husband. My ex-husband, who has lied and told people I do and sell drugs. My ex-husband who has held my children hostage for now 16 months laughing as he watched me struggle and hide. My ex-husband who helped my abuser by giving him my new address and phone number. My ex-husband whom has no ties relation or anything to do with my baby son other than to use my other beautiful two children to gladly rip my heart out in front of my baby son and watch me bleed while he smiles. Why? I asked this horrible woman ‘why would you do that?’ She said ‘Because I can.’
Jingle Bells, Something Smells, Jan Just Told A Fib
The universe has a way of taking good care of people like Jan. I am not worried about her. She will truly understand what it is like to rebuild something so painful and painfully only to have a liar come and bulldoze it over with a smile… I hope that who ever it is says ‘I understand’ to her, as she did and said to me. I have had to deal with many like her along this journey and one thing is for sure; I have faith. Every one of those people that harmed me in a selfish and dishonest manner has now had something even worse happen to them… thing is I don’t wish it. I just did my part honestly, whether it was to file a grievance or talk to their boss. I don’t wait for it, I let it go and it just happens!
As for Ms. DCFS? That woman I imagine has a special VERY special place in hell waiting on her someday. I can’t actually imagine, I don’t want to imagine so I won’t imagine.
As with both women I am angry but I will let go. Neither one is worthy of allowing my energy or pain to be spent.
In Shelter number 2 back in April, a kind staff member sat with me and prayed teaching me this now very close to my heart prayer..
In The Name Of Jesus Christ, No Weapon Formed Against Me Shall Prosper In The Name Of Jesus Christ.
I Learned That is God’s Promise To Me
The Lord Jesus will see me through this.
Dashing Through The Muck.. Merry Christmas! I don’t have it as bad as so many! For that I feel favored and blessed. Should mine or someone else’s happen to be worse than yours, may you feel favored and blessed as well 🙂