#2014 Bringing My Children Home & Making Money

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After trying to call my children for days, on Christmas day I received a text from my ex-husband that said;

‘you are a worthless low life piece of shit being investigated for neglecting your son? I certainly won’t allow you too speak to the other two now. All 3 kids would be better off if you are dead’

DCFS is investigating me because an employee that works at the DV apartments where I live also works for DCFS part time. She wanted to ‘teach me a lesson’ she lied and then used her buddy at DCFS to settle a personal matter. I took my trash outside to the dumpster on the property I rent while I left my son in his crib sleeping AND had my baby monitor all done under 10 minutes and only a minute to reach my child at every given moment had he been in danger. The damage this woman has caused is criminal I have been told. For that when all is said and done, I will do what it takes to be sure she is charged.

I Christmas day throwing up and crying.

I have faith in God and Jesus Christ.

This morning my little girl was able to call me.

Hearing their voices strengthens me.

#2014 is going to be my year! I feel it and something good is going to happen and no one can stop it!

I am homeless, I am not alone. I am homeless, I am not helpless. I am homeless, I am smart…

You better watch out, you better not cry! You better not shout, I am telling you why… Homeless Chick Is Coming Home..

Signing OffImage #2013 Homeless Chick

Good News? I’m Pissed Off That I Have To Even Announce This As News

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You may want to call me a pessimist, but you’re wrong. I’m so much a positive thinker that most of the time people around me have a hard time understand.

I know not many read this, my real life friends and following is not privy to this diary of the Homeless Chick. I see a few people have read them and I’m not sure you can comment here but if you can and want too please do! Or if you want to email me please do. We aren’t meant to live this life alone. As long as you don’t add to my stress you are welcome in my life 🙂

homelesschick@outlook.com

A Forward to the ‘Good News’

I feel like what is the use in thinking negatively about most things? That doesn’t mean I am unrealistic! I had a cold Christmas where my ex-husband refused to allow my children to even speak to me. He said I was a worthless low-life piece of shit and that all three of my children (speaking of our two and my youngest son which isn’t his) would be better off if I was dead – what sparked the latest brutal emotional psychological attack on me and my children?? A DCFS worker that called my ex-husband to tell him I am being investigated for child neglect. The DCFS worker failed to mention that I was being investigated for taking my trash out to the dumpster on the property I rent while my son was safely in his crib sleeping and I had a baby monitor. The DCFS worker was concerned with an agenda her buddy and co-worker Jan asked me to fulfill (Jan is a woman that works for DCFS and for the DV program in which I live in & has beef with me) .

Instead I spent a Christmas throwing up and crying and being deprived of even hearing my children’s voices.

Jan is going to lose her job(s). It’s a little sing song to ward off the unhealthy anger without outlet that creeps up.

The ‘Good News’

Yesterday I was contacted by an agency that is willing to have an attorney advocate for me free of charge with the DCFS matter. This agency ‘aims to stop DCFS from using invalidated rules to “indicate” parents who are poor, single, a teenager or immigrant, a victim of abuse themselves, or suffer from a treatable mental health conditions.’

I am rich with love but otherwise poor at the moment in the wallet (LOL) – homeless to get technical, I have been through domestic abuse, I am single, and I have Attention Deficit Disorder which the state doesn’t recognize as a mental health classification or even pays cost of medication for. However; Because I was truthful with the investigator and told her I see a psychiatrist for my medication DCFS wrote it down under mental health disorder. I am the current poster child for DCFS prey.

So thankfully there is a group of people fighting these Parent Predators. I do believe in a child welfare system. I don’t believe in preying on poor, single, young, immigrants, victims or the mentally ill.

That is what DCFS does in this state on a regular basis. You say that can not be!! You ask Why???

Many reasons but I will break it down. I’ll cut out the politics and big words. Instead I’ll invite your reasoning and logic to understand.

Logical motive – if only ‘actual’ neglect or abuse cases were found indicated (meaning it ACTUALLY FACTUALLY occurred), thousands of DCFS employees would lose their jobs.

For instance; If a DCFS investigator takes a single mother who is being or has been abused by a partner or family memeber, is too poor for legal help, has a lack of substantial support and the investigator uses pressure and threats against her – the investigator knows the mother probably won’t have the knowledge, confidence, strength or support to fight an indicated report of neglect or abuse – even if no ACTUAL OR FACTUAL harm or real risk of harm occurred to the child. An investigator can take 60 plus days to investigate allegations, trump up a nice twisted sounding case and a case manager can take years to manage her case. Both the investigator and case manager have made an investment for their job security! Logic. There are other more difficult reasons but that one I stated is enough especially in this economy.

After the emotional beating I have been through with the investigator and my ex-husband these past two weeks, I can barely think straight. If I do think too straight I begin throwing up from the emotional pain! My therapist said I’m mentally intact and that is just my bodies way of coping with extremely painful emotions.

I have been through an investigation with a MUCH nicer investigator once before, and as a result of their being no harm or risk of harm to my child and probably the main reason is because I had an attorney at the time for the DV who advocated for me during the investigation, it was unfounded. (this again was while I was in shelter, myself and almost every girl was investigated be DCFS for one reason or another – DCFS preys on poor remember?? oohh and shelters get sideline kick backs if DCFS becomes involved!!)

I can’t imagine trying to navigate such a lawless acting entity on my own. So here it is folks I am loved and favored by my Lord because he never leaves me without an extended hand. The good neew that pisses me off to even call it news is this agency is my extended hand. Those simple words of ‘congratulations we have discussed your case and we would like to offer you legal advocacy in hopes we can bring your case unfounded.’ meant the world to me. I am grateful!

I miss my two beautiful children so much it is killing me. Sometimes I wonder if I will make it through this alive the pain inside is so bad. Now my battle which was to begin Pro-Se in January must be put off pending results of this DCFS investigation. None of this will ever be okay, it has been so long. After all of the damage DCFS is doing I will HAVE to have an attorney in order to even see my children again.

I did nothing wrong to have me so forced out of their lives (there is no past abuse or neglect or even any alligations of) The court sure treated me as if I had abused or neglected my children. They did this because I refused to give the court my new address after moving as a result of the court refusing to keep my address from my ex-husband because he was giving all the information he could to my abuser to help him find me so he could continue his abuse. I was pregnant when my ex-husband took me into to court for full placement of the children, and as my health declined and I was forced to hide to stay safe the dimmer my chances with my two children I stayed home and raised in perfection became. My ex-husband and my actions (justified as I know them to be) still painted a shady picture of unstable. In reality as I became hospitalized and having already lost my business because of strict bed-rest which began very early in my pregnancy due to preclampsia and then losing a place to live and being poverty stricken what felt like over night I wasn’t terribly stable. The court refused me visitation without their having an address for me and my ex-husband refused to allow me to see them unless I came into his home where he accuses me of whatever he wants too. 

I am proud of how strong I am. I am proud I have learned from my mistakes so I hope to God I don’t make them again and most of all I am proud of how much I have grown in the last years. I feel better about myself homeless than I did all of the years I pretended to be perfect.

Pt. 2 of ‘Good News? I’m Pissed Off That I Have To Even Announce This As News’ is coming in a squeal when I announce DCFS is unfounded.. Ugh til then bear with me… Raising my children, working three jobs, going to school, and through a divorce was FAR easier than being homeless. Being homeless at times is a full-time job on it’s own.

All I Want For Christmas..

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As I lost everything including our birth certificates, SS cards, irreplaceable pictures, Grandmother’s recipes, I told myself over and over no one can take my memories, things can be replaced but my life can not be.

All I ever needed was help. For heaven sake I didn’t even have the very papers that I would need to get a job!

I got help because I’m insistent and persistent. I also was beaten to a pulp emotionally, pushed forward as a personal punching bag and used as needed. I sit here Christmas Eve with my car blocks away because that’s where it ran out of gas due to having to drive hundreds of miles last week I shouldn’t have had to spend money doing so I could sign paperwork for everyone that is willing to speak well on my behalf to the DCFS.

Don’t be bitter? Ok! I won’t be bitter but I won’t be silent either — (:Evaaaal Smile:)

A month ago I looked forward to Christmas I had a dandy notion a Christmas miracle was going to occur and I was going to wake up to all three of my children opening their gifts and enjoying each other as I cook.

I never thought I could ever hurt as much as I did last year. I thought I was going to have a heart attack last Christmas it hurt so much to be without my children.

I was wrong. Not only does it hurt worse this year but now I sit in fear of not being able to amount to anything as a result of a personal vendetta a DCFS worker has against me. So I have to worry Ill forever be labeled as an abusive parent for tossing out my trash, humiliated once again in front of the same people that have made it their hobby and pass time to figure out ways ground me into the dirt (thanks to DCFS one again contacting my ex-husband) and afraid of how this will effect my being able to secure custody of my child, especially my 13 year old boy who needs me so much.

I will not let go of my faith I was using to believe I would have my children home for Christmas. As dad holds them legally hostage, I just don’t know I believe in divine help anymore. Jesus Never Fails I thought. I still believe that but maybe Jesus just doesn’t like me either.

I remember the first Christmas after my first son had died. I got it in my head if I believed hard enough I would wake up the next morning and my little boy wouldn’t be in the ground anymore. I thought somehow, someway instead my little boy would be alive and crawling around and that God would warp all of the nightmare away.

I woke up and ran down the steps for some reason I really felt if I believed hard enough…

I cried and lived through it and I understood God couldn’t just disrupt the whole natural world to give me my child back. God can do anything, even that! I admitted to myself that was asking for something so unnatural wasn’t fair for the coarse of life.

But believing Jesus God could open a door, give me strength and show me how to bring my children home before this Christmas wasn’t so unnatural or unfair. I believed.  I had felt such innocent hope because I have worked so hard. He at the least ignored hundreds of prayers from all over the map… I sent in tons of prayer requests! My children and I deserve to be together I really thought God would take mercy. Instead it is as if he punished us by having some pompous horrible person tear it apart with a smile. My God not answering me this time I think is the last thing I will ever care to hope for. My hope and hundreds of prayers from me and so many were answered with more demons attacking me. I’m safer giving up.

There is no reason to make a Christmas prayer wish, in fact I have every reason not too but since I love my babies so much and this is so painful here it goes…

In the name of Jesus Christ all I want for Christmas is my children home with me and their brother.