I will be writing a whole lot of negative things in the next few weeks. I know it will shed myself in a bitter light, which is far from true. To know me is to know graditude and thankful himself.
I am favored. I am loved. I am greatful. I am thankful.
I may have doubts and grievance with a lot of people and I may feel angry sad and even hate from time to time but these emotions have their place. Those emotions can not ever replace the joy, happiness and especially the love all of which hold far greater power.
I am thankful for everything, the good, the bad, the beautiful and ugly. Why? Because in our human beings we can only feel the extent of joy that our extent of anger can feel. We can only enjoy our happiness to the depths our sorrow has taken us. Most of all we if we didn’t hate anything, how could we possibly be protected from the reoccurring abuse from the love we feel? Love is patient and kind. Love holds no record of wrong and rejoices in truth! Without the emotion of hate how could we continue to love?
You may not agree with me but what I write is real.
Today Christmas Day, I woke up with heavy pain in my heart missing my children. I felt the humiliation in my soul as I tried to call my children without an answer as usual, my car sits two blocks away out of gas and I’m worried it ill be towed before I can get enough money to put gas in it. I’m worried like hell the DCFS will ruin everything I’ve worked my whole life for. On top of it all an hour ago I began throwing up and I have a fever. I have every reason to not love, I have every reason not to feel happiness or joy. I have every good reason to feel angry, sad and hate. I feel all of them.
So I looked at my tiny handsome beautiful son who was smiling at me expectantly this morning at 8am and my heart swelled with joy. As I made him oatmeal which is his favorite he began toddling circles in excitement until he fell and I laughed happily. Then my son took his morning stinkier and after I cleaned him up, he hugged me so tight and I felt overwhelming love.
Not just because it’s Christmas but everyday I am full of gratitude. I only am taking time out today to address it because it is Christmas and a painful one at that.
So despite being homeless, despite demons, despite the people that have mercilessly abused me, despite my children being used and forced out of my life, despite the painful humiliation, despite all of it I am thankful and full of gratitude for everything else. My heart is full of gratitude not just because it’s Christmas, and not just today, but everyday. Why?
Shout out of Thanks today and eternity to Jesus Christ who died for our sins so that we may have a chance to make it out of this painful world and into heaven. 🙂 Because of Jesus Christ, a man of no sin that only wanted and brought peace, love and joy to our world and got put to death as a result I am thankful everyday of my life.